Five Things You Can Do With Bear Mace: Part I
by MadGirl03
Summary: Kakashi Sees The Future… He's Not Impressed.


**So here is the new and improved "_Five Things You Can Do With Bear Mace_" Now edited and restored **

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><p>For the second time that week the earth split open, and it once again popped Kakashi out like a pop-tart fresh from the toaster, but being Kakashi he didn't even lose his balance as the ground shut behind him. Glaring at his surroundings, he noticed the three new students he had just been appointed to that morning. Kakashi had just a long exhausting day visiting the future and he didn't really want to see any of them. He sighed and looked up.<p>

"I hate the future."

He glanced at Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke who were awaiting his arrival on the very familiar bridge in Konoha.

"Kakashi Sensei." Sakura babbled while jumping up and down and waving hers arms, as if he might somehow miss the only pink-headed girl that he had ever seen in his entire life, rolling his eyes he ignored her and stared intently at a bird instead.

His second trip to the future this week had been a real eye opener, as opposed to that first trip, at least this trip had given him a new dirty book. He had also accidentally gotten a glimpse of where his students and himself would be in four years. _Mental note, have more sex, and read more smut._ He said to himself

"KAKASHI SENSEI!" Sakura yelled again at the top of her lungs. How he hated her. Giving up he made his way to where his A.D.D student, his love sick weakling student, and that emo kid that never smiled, were waiting.

"Kakashi Sensei where have you been we've been waiting for five hours." Naruto complained.

Kakashi looked at the young man dreading the future where he apparently had to spend a lot of time this ADD chuckle head, for a mere moment he considered suicide, but then a brilliant idea struck him. What if he could change the future, yes that could work, he grinned to himself.

"Be right back." He teleported himself, with the intent of going back to his bedroom, but ended up in the bathhouse.

"Oopsies." He said, but then noticed the woman standing in front of him. "Not what I intended, but this works out nicely."

Three Hours Later

Kakashi finally returned where his students were still waiting. "Okay, we're going to do something different today. Everybody has a unique personality that defines him or her, and makes them special. But you guys seriously make me not want to even wake up in the morning, and I just met you. You should feel ashamed, however I have four years to turn you ass-tards into presentable members of society, and we're going to start today."

"But we're suppose to do kunai training." Sakura whined from where she was sitting on the ground.

"Sakura, a word of advice, no man wants a whiny girl. Keep that in mind."

"Yea." Both Naruto and Sasuke agreed, while Sakura pouted.

Suddenly Naruto sat up finally starting to understand some of what Kakashi had been saying. "Hey! We're not Ass-tards, well maybe Sasuke, but I'm definitely not. Believe it."

"Naurto, I understand that sometime in the next four years you will outgrow that stupid phrase, but I cannot possible wait that long. From now on your new catch phrase while be "Eat that bitch. See, it's both catchy and offensive, and won't have me trying to cut my ears off overtime you say it. I might even laugh, but probably not."

Naruto looked up confused at his Sensei and then said slowly. "Eat that bitch?"

"Now say it with feeling, it will grow on you."

Naruto said more confidently. "Eat that Bitch" He turned to Sasuke "Eat that Bitch. Hey this is fun." He ran off to tell his new catch phrase to everybody he had ever met.

Kakashi nodded in approval, well that problem was taken care of.

"But Kakashi Sensei, how will changing Naruto's catch phrase change the future?" Sakura yelled out.

Kakashi gripped the knife in his hand a little tighter. Time to take care of the second problem.

"Sakura, now we're going to work on you."

"I'm perfect Kakashi Sensei."

"All of you are disturbed and annoying. But hopefully, by taking care of this now, we can prevent years of anguish, torment, and fillers that nobody watches."

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "I have better things to do then sit around with you losers and change my personality."

"Sasuke, you're the worst of all. So to prevent future psychotic tendencies and the fashion sense of an 80's hooker, I have a simple solution for you now." He reached into his pocked and handed him a lighter.

"What the hell is this for?"

"You're going to do what ever normal emotionally destroyed and traumatized little boy does. You're going to light things of fire until you feel better. Come back then."

"Sweet." He grabbed the lighter and ran off to find a bunny.

"What about me Kakashi Sensei," Sakura said, suddenly wanting to be involved.

Kakashi glanced at her for a moment, thinking of the strong woman she would become, but four years seemed like a long time to wait. "Sakura, you're worthless, you don't do anything, and we spend the next few years coddling you and being sensitive to your dumb feelings. Which is why I'm going to make you stronger." He pulled out a bottle of bear mace. "Any ninja can take Bear Mace to the face but it a real ninja won't go blind." He sprayed her. "You have ten seconds."

"I don't understand Kakashi Sensei" Sakura said wiping her face.

"I wouldn't rub that in your eyes, your ten seconds are up."

Sakura screamed and dropped to the ground, throwing dirt into her eyes and rolling in circles.

Kakashi watched Sakura roll on the ground, Naruto calmly tell Kiba his new catch phrase, and Saskue light their sleeping bags on fires, and he smiled. He pulled out two bells, their next lesson would start tomorrow.

The future was looking better already.


End file.
